The Angry Interns: Due To The Recession …
If we had a dime for every time somebody blamed something on the economy, we could’ve bailed out Chrysler with our pocket change. Yeah, things are in the shitter right now, financially speaking, and that means big changes for all you folks out there who actually have something to loose (we’re still as broke and ugly as ever). Anyway, below is a list of things that, due to the recession, just might happen. You never know.
Team manager position to require college degree: Not just any old bro or retired pro can be a TM anymore. Competition in the workforce has turned a job that can be done by a chimp into a much sought after position requiring a BA and actual marketing savvy. Crazy, right?
Shaun White and Travis Rice become the world’s only paid pro snowboarders: What does a recession do if not increase the gap between the haves and have-nots? With that said, White and Rice cash the big checks—everyone else gets paid in stickers and bandanas.
Cash-strapped contest series impose penalties for falling, swearing, and getting last: Bad attitudes and bailing now cost pro snowboarders more than their pride. The Dew Tour and the Burton Global Open Series have implemented a number of monetary fines for such things as dropping F-bombs during competition runs, getting last place in your field, and falling down (amount of fine varies from hand and ass dragging to getting full-blown broke off).
Unpaid interns run leading snowboard magazines: Due to “budget cutbacks,” those fat/lazy/rich editors finally get theirs—and now we’re in charge! Since we can’t afford to print and ship anything, the entire magazine will be delivered in a series of Twitter updates.
New MDP movie shot entirely on Mike McEntire’s iPhone: Hell, who can afford a new HD camera in this economy—much less hiring someone to man it? Mack Dawg gets the “video” app for his iPhone and calls it good.
“Retro” speeds up: Remember last year when the 80s were in? A sudden stroke of luck for the world’s broke-asses dictates that “last year” is now in, making it totally trendy to just keep wearing all the same gear you bought last season when you still had a job.
Humor column, Transworld Snowboarding, September 2009
